Battle of the Dark

So there’s a country song by Big and Rich that talks about telling the devil where to go. Now, I will say that I’m a religious person, and don’t take my religion lightly. I love the life that I lead, and my religion means pretty much everything to me. It’s how I make my hard decisions, and my every day decisions, and the decisions that affect my health and well being on a daily basis. The gospel is a part of who I am, and I am completely different person because of it. I couldn’t even imagine living my life without the gospel serving a purpose, and helping me to be better each and every day.

When you move away from home, suddenly its up to you to determine whether or not you are going to keep living by those values and things that you were taught from a young age under your parents’ wings. I’m not saying I had a perfect childhood. That doesn’t exist. No one is perfect and that’s why we’re here, but I will say that often it can be kind of tough to keep up with everything that is asked of you when suddenly your mom can’t be there to wash the levis you want to wear the next day, and you have to cook your own meals when you come home after a long day of school. My religion helps to keep me in check on a daily basis, and I am given a chance to communicate with a Father in Heaven who loves me and wants only the best for me. I read from the Bible and the Book of Mormon and am free to make my own decisions. When I make mistakes or don’t do the best that I can on a daily basis, I am given (more than one) second chance to improve, to do better, and to say I’m sorry for the things I may have done wrong on any given day.

Given this context, I am not perfect. I don’t always read my scriptures, or say my prayers, or do everything perfectly on any given day. But my Heavenly Father understands that, which is why he willingly gives more than one second chance. He loves me. He wants me to realize the mistakes I have made, and that those choices do have consequences, but he also wants me to know that one mistake or misjudgment is not the end. He lets me know that there are always chances to improve, and each day is a brand new start and beginning. A chance for me to do just a little bit better than the day before.

The other night brings back to my memory a specifically scary and interesting experience I felt like I needed to share. I had watched Once Upon a Time slowly before turning out the lights, saying my prayers and falling asleep. I felt pretty tired, and dozed off pretty soon after. Sometime in the middle of the night, I awoke. Whether from a nightmare, or real life nightmare ish type experience, I have no idea. All I remember of the experience is being incredibly scared, I’m in my bed with my blankets doing what blankets do best, by myself and I was surrounded by darkness. It was like Once scenes were coming to life in my room in the middle of the night, and I needed sleep so that I could function for class that coming day. Nothing that I did to calm myself really worked, and I couldn’t scream for fear of waking up my roommates, who had just as busy of schedules as I did, if not busier. I’m pretty sure I screamed in the actual nightmare, because uh, who wouldn’t. The darkness was almost trying to choke me out, and reduce me to nonexistence. I thought to myself a couple of times that if that was the way I would leave this world, then I would know that I had lived a decent life, and that things would be okay.

After a while of my fears not being calmed, I couldn’t help but think that this has to be how the devil gets to those who stop reading their scriptures, and turn away from God for a time, even if they are still going to church like me. Maybe it was a warning for me to get back on track, so that I can help others around me with their struggles and shortcomings. Finally, I convince myself to start humming and singing hymns both loudly and quietly in my head, with my blankets acting as a shield to keep me separated from the darkness. This went on for most of the rest of the night in my subconscious somewhat conscious? Mind and I honestly couldn’t wait to fully wake up and get away from the monsters in my head and in my room. When I awoke that morning, it took me a while to convince myself to open my eyes and to tell myself that I really was okay, nothing was out to get me, and I could go on with the rest of my day in peace. I silently said a prayer of thanks and of strength that morning for protection and for a God that was there to comfort me. I made a silent vow that I would do a better job of reading my scriptures and saying my prayers, so that I would have peace and serenity to follow me wherever I went. It’s only been a couple days, but I can already feel the difference. I was sitting in Institute Choir tonight, when we sang the primary song I am a Child of God. I couldn’t help but smile at remembering those words.

"I am a Child of God, and HE has sent me here. Has given me an earthly home, with parents kind and dear. Lead me, guide me, help me find the way, teach me all that I MUST do, to live with him someday. I am a child of God, and so my needs are great, help me to understand his words, before it grows too late. "

To those who may be struggling, or losing faith, or anything else for that matter, there is a way back. There is a way to truth and light and happiness in this dark and sickening world. In a sense, I pretty much told the devil where to go, and you can too if he has a hold of you much like he had a hold of me. Hang in there. You can dispel the darkness, and you can find the light again. You just have to hold on a little longer, trust in the God who gave you life, and seek him out. He is waiting. He will help you. He will heal your broken heart.