Guys, I have a blog! And maybe a confession or two to make.
Okay, so I am NOT shy. At all. That stopped when I was like... ten? Or fourteen? And this is coming from the girl who was scared of sheep and Santa Clause as a little girl.... if that tells you anything. Even farm animals scared me.
I can't truthfully actually remember when I came out of my shy "turtle shell" so to speak. I simply just broke out of the shell, from the mold, and life went on from there. I was happy and content and completely comfortable being around people and introducing myself to others. I wanted to get to know new people and branch out on my own. I realized people gave me a place where I wanted to be. I longed for people constanfacebook.comtly. Saying goodbye to people broke my heart and still does. (I HATE goodbyes)
As I moved away from home, my friends moved on, I said see you later to my siblings and the life I had known, I realized a lot of changes began happening within myself. I felt a little drawn back into my shell, not knowing nearly as many people as I would have if I had chosen BYU Idaho. I look around on campus and see unfamiliar faces, and know it's okay not to be constantly looking for that one familiar face in the crowd, just to feel comfortable with my surroundings.
Life isn't about getting too comfortable. It's about constant change and making connections. I feel that I am very people-oriented, like I said before. But, I have slowly come to learn that I don't have to connect with people 24/7, or always be around them. School comes first, which was an incredibly hard lesson for someone like me to learn. In the recent weeks, I have learned to be more comfortable about retracing to my own little shell. My first month of college was focused on the social "buzz" of Utah State and finding friends fast. I longed to spend almost all my time with them. Laughing together, hot tubbing, you name it, I wAnted involved.
I have come to accept the consequences of my actions (poor grades) and committed almost immediately to do better. In this second month of college life, I have realized Things needed to change. I started to become more drawn to my apartment, my bedroom, silent thinking, walks from campus to my apartment and quiet time. Which hasn't ever really been me. But, as I have come to accept that time isn't slowing Down, I began feelings that this is what I need. Right here. Right now. This contemplation time and deep thinking could be something that brings valuable results later on in life, for pondering and a special bonding time between a heavenly father and his daughter.
So, I have come to realize, it's okay to be an introvert. It is sometimes often necessary just to take a day away from studying and the distractions of the world. It's okay to decline dates or friend time. It's okay to put the social butterfly back in her cocoon for a day to allow her room to mature, reconnect and grow stronger than anyone ever thought she could. And as I have learned, you don't always have to be the most social butterfly in the room to be the most respected. <3
