The Fight to Become

   I felt the need to share a special experience I had yesterday. In case anyone was wondering... I work retail. Okay okay hold your gasps til the end. I know. For those of you who haven’t seen the behind the scenes of Retail, it’s crazy. There are a million protocols you have to follow, and if you don’t, they can get you fired right on the spot. It’s interacting with customers from the time you clock in to the last minute right before you leave. It’s putting a smile on your face, even when a customer is not incredibly nice to you. It’s being friendly to people you don’t know, when you’d rather spend your entire shift making sure product is facing the right direction and that the shelves are full.

  

  Retail is hard. It’s one of THE hardest jobs I’ve ever had. The only jobs that can even relate to the hard work I face now, is the time I spent working in the Idaho State Senate, Working as a Junior Counselor for Girls State, and the time I spent working for my grandparents and raising my dairy heifers for Fair Season every year for three years. Those are all different forms of hard work. The most challenging days of my job revolve around the busiest seasons of the year; Black Friday and the Semi-Annual Sales. And yet, I’m still surviving.

Yesterday, I walked into work at 9:30 pm, knowing I wouldn’t leave until 2:30 am. I attempted to keep a smile on my face, considering it was so late, and my recovery process for my ribs makes things like lifting boxes less than enjoyable. When I got my table assignment, I discovered I would be working alone for the first time in my time since I started working there. It gave me a lot of time alone and time to think and meditate, which I tend to do often. While working, I felt like my boss had all her eyes on me every second, afraid I would do something wrong. That kind of took a toll on my self-esteem, and left my brain with less than desirable thoughts at the time.

Since our store doesn’t play music after hours, we either bring headphones, or jam out to the music playing outside of our store in the rest of the mall. As I continue on, trudging through the store, all of a sudden, I hear Fight Song by Rachel Platten playing outside. Not only do I automatically start singing along because of Girls’ State memories, but a smile came to my face in an instant. I was suddenly happier, work went a lot smoother, and I was able to make it through the end of the shift without wanting to cry.

While I was at work, I told one of my friends she could “spam” me, or essentially continue to send me texts, even though I couldn’t answer or see them until I made it back to my apartment. As I’m laying in bed reading them, she sends me the most inspirational thought along with the lyrics to “A Broken Wing” by my favorite country music artist of all time, Martina McBride. Earlier that night, I had shared a very difficult and painful experience I had from this year, and her response had me in tears.

“Kortni, you’ll absolutely SOAR. And I can’t wait for that day. All that negativity in your life made you so much stronger. I noticed, whether you realized it or not, that what this person was telling you made you even more sure of yourself and what you wanted to do, and what you’re supposed to do. Those trials made you sooooo much stronger. No matter what people put you through, even with a broken wing, you still sing. And you fly. To places the haters never even thought possible. But you're proving them wrong every single day. Showing them that you CAN. It’s such an example to me. I love you Kort. Each heartache and glimpse in your life that you give me helps me more than you could ever know.”

Every experience I have had, either good or bad, has brought me to today. Sometimes those less than desirable thoughts are what consumes me, and some of those thoughts have left me with unexplained heartache and painful memories. I have fought with these feelings for close to five years. My happiness and joy from before is slowly starting to return to my being. Just like the song states, “There’s a fire burning in my bones, I still believe. This is my fight song, take back my life, prove I’m alright song.” 

I know that I struggle, I know that I fall short, and I know that sometimes life gets in the way of our dreams. But, I also know that there is always a way out of those hard times, if we are willing to keep climbing the mountains and fight for what we desire most. It definitely isn’t easy, and some days will be harder to get through than others, but I know that if we keep fighting, and keep working to become stronger, we can and will get there. I have felt true strength in ways that are indescribable. If you feel like you need help, help will be waiting around every corner. Sometimes you just have to ask. You have a God who loves you. You are blessed beyond measure.

If I can make it up my mountains and through my never-ending struggles, you can too my friends. You can too. <3

Ps. If you're interested in a fun little flash mob involving the song I've talked about, feel free to watch this. ;) https://www.facebook.com/kortni.wells/videos/vb.100001962672097/1105489852859760/?type=3&theater