One of the most popular quotes I have found through many Pinterest searches, is that "Happiness is a choice." Through many different soul-searching moments, I have discovered just how true this statement is.
There is so much in our world today that causes many people to lose a whole lot of hope. It seems as though it is all around us. Struggling countries around the world, the government, and even the media. And believe me, having a desire to become a journalist in a world where people are beginning to trust the media less and less is a little disheartening. I might even say a little depressing.
But the truth of the matter is, in a world where there is much to be anxious about, there is just as much happiness waiting for YOU to uncover. We live in a time where technology is everywhere, and if used for good, can become a powerful motivator and tool. We live in a time where medical professionals are able to perform more successful surgeries and procedures than ever before. To be honest, we live in time where there is so much to be grateful for, yet we still find a reason to be unhappy with something. We have a bad hair day. Our friends got too busy to hang out with us, when we just saw them yesterday. A date doesn't go the way we had hoped, and we feel like we made a fool of ourselves.
I have been studying if you will, the topic of happiness for quite some time. As a teenager, I was always looking for happiness quotes that would bring some sort of peace of mind as I went on to conquer the next challenge or roadblock that was strewn along my path. I craved happiness more than I craved dark chocolate or ice cream, and that's saying something, because I love dark chocolate and ice cream. I thought that there was really nothing to live for if I wasn't able to fight through my challenges, and to be HAPPY.
I've kind of noticed that more recently in my personal life, it's been pretty darn hard to find happiness. I realized there was something holding me back from being the happy-go-lucky Kortni I thought I had always been. That something holding me back, was no one other than myself. I have gone day to day concerned about the next task at hand that I forgot to take a deep breath and quite simply,"Just be me."
I fight the daily battles of "I'm not good enough", "I'm too anxious to be happy" and "I'll focus on the gospel tomorrow" really all the time. I wonder if I'll ever get out of the dating game and find my happily ever after. I wonder if I'll still have the same friends when I graduate from college and move away. I self-criticize as if it's a form of habit I never got myself out of. I anxiously await moving back to Logan, so I can breathe and "just be happy again."
I began to realize that I dug a hole for myself by repeating such harsh criticisms towards myself. Over and over and over again. I struggle to know if this deeply-rooted hardness of breath will ever leave my chest. It all just seems too much. How will I ever be happy again? I caught myself at a perfect moment of self-intervention, as I was driving home from the Twin Falls Temple, early Wednesday morning with two of my younger siblings. Before I closed my eyes upon returning to my bed, I wrote down a whole bunch of thoughts that had kept me awake the entirety of the way home.
Often, while pondering in the temple, I catch a glimpse of the temple workers as they help someone in need, or quietly observe. I think I can honestly say, I have never met a temple worker that didn't carry a heartfelt smile upon their face, or a twinkle in their eye. How is it they are always so incredibly happy? What is it that makes them decide to be so happy, even if it does happen to be 4:30 in the morning? The answer I came up with? They are in the service of their God.
I pondered this thought for a while. I am far from a morning person, but I still wake up early to be inside the holy temples. Every time I go, that ridiculously giddy smile spreads itself upon my face, without me even trying. But as I return home, the smile isn't always permanent. How can this be so? I discovered that in order to be happy, you have to have a sense of happiness that stems from somewhere. For me, it's the vibrant pinks and oranges of the sunrise as I return from the house of the Lord. It's the gentle nudge of my little sister stealing my blankets from off my bed, encouraging me that there is no better place I could be than in the service of my God. It's the bonding moment with my siblings as we joke about road construction, hungry birds and random songs on the radio.
I caught myself at the perfect moment, in all honesty. When life gets hard, sometimes we just have to remember what it is we are fighting for. What is it that we want out of life? I simply discovered through a self-evaluation on that temple morning, what it is that I am really fighting for. What it is I truly desire more than anything. My personal joy and happiness, comes from service, service towards others through 4-H, through Girls State, through church, and in the temple. Although sometimes I forget what it is I'm fighting for, I am given a constant reminder as I simply "Go and Do."
From this experience this week, of finding what I am all about, and what it is I truly desire, I came up with a few key points that I have been able to focus on this week that have changed my perspective on pretty much everything, even life itself.
1. Happiness is a choice. Sometimes, it's the hardest choice you have to make, other than waking up in the morning. And sometimes, the hardest thing to do is remind yourself that you deserve happiness, even in the midst of the most challenging trials and the worst despair you have ever experienced.
2. The even more beautiful thing is, that happiness is always waiting, even if you don't feel worthy of it. It will wait in the shadows, until you decide for yourself that its presence can and should be known in your life. Hard times will always come, but there is always something we can be happy about.
3. Trials can turn our hard times into something beautiful. We may not always feel happy or able to smile, and sometimes, that's okay. We can feel sad. It's totally okay to cry it out every now and again. The important thing is that we need to pick ourselves up again and move on, and become the strongest person in our entire world.
4. Life is worth it. Find some kind of indescribable joy in the journey. Find something that lights a fire of passion within you. And most importantly, find YOURSELF again.
5. Start living the life you have always imagined you could. If your current path doesn't make you happy, be willing to take a step in a different direction in order to find something better. Don't let fear take over. Let that fear work within you, to help you become the incandescently happy person you've always imagined you could be.
YOU ARE WORTH IT. <3
