My RollerCoaster of a Summer

Words cannot express the roller coaster I have been on for the past three-four months of my life. I had so much going for me, when it all came to a halt. I was ready to take on the summer, enjoy everything that life threw at me, and just live life to the fullest. Little did I know, Heavenly Father had different plans for me, that didn't go the way I had anticipated at all. But, as I changed my outlook, my attitude changed as well, for the better.

First of all, when I said I had a lot going for me, I meant that I had applied for a 4-H internship, had an interview lined up, and was hoping to spend my summer with one of my most favorite 4-H adults in Morgan County, Morgan Utah. And for those of you who know how much 4-H means to me, you would understand why I desired this internship so greatly. But if you don't know how much 4-H means to me, just check my Facebook. It's everywhere. So, anyways, as the end of my freshman year at Utah State winded down to the last little wire, I knew I had a decision to make. I could either try to live within my means for a few weeks until the interview would come up, or I could go home to Idaho until I had a chance to be called back for the interview, and go from there. Either way it wasn't a very ideal situation, especially without a car...or a driver's license.  I tried to be calm and peaceful about the situations at hand, with some tough criticism following behind me the whole way. After several priesthood blessings, several prayers, and some deep breaths, Heavenly Father came to the rescue and answered the questions I desperately needed answers to. I was moving home to Burley, Idaho for the summer, and my residency for Utah State would start over in the fall, When and If I returned to school.

Moving home was probably one of the most difficult trials I have ever experienced. The criticisms followed me, in a little bit of a different light. Almost everyone I talked to thought I was done with Utah State, and was moving home to attend CSI. The questions flew up at me any occasion they could, and are still continuing. There were times I knew I was headed back to Logan, and there were times(in the past week), where I thought maybe I was headed on a mission and wouldn't be back at USU for a while. I couldn't get the negativity to leave me alone. It made me think of my early returned missionary friends, and made me wonder if that was the same criticisms and questions they were getting from peers, and trusted adults too. I was so excited to move home, find a job, and get right to work saving for my educational goals. Boy was I wrong. The job search has taken me through so many different loopholes up, down and upside down in knots. And yet it still continues.  I often found myself in tears, or super emotional in those weeks that followed me soon after I went home. Most all of my friends are on missions, or away at college, or still living close to Logan. I felt so alone most of the time that pity parties were pretty much the norm. I didn't want anyone else to see of the confusion I felt, because I knew I was where I belonged. Yet, I had the support system I needed from my parents, ward members, singles ward, and other acquaintances that made the transition just a little bit smoother. It also helped me feel at peace to know that I could save money to attend school, without paying summer rent, while also getting my finances in order.

But probably the best experience of my summer thus far, and the greatest reasons for coming home this summer, was to attend Girls State. Words can't express how amazing this program is, or the benefits that come from being a volunteer. (more to come on that later.)

If I had my choice, I probably would have still been in Logan for the summer. Harsh I know, but I knew that Logan is where I feel the most peace, and would make the most progress. Burley is still a place of refuge and hope to me, don't get me wrong, but things happen when you leave home, that make you want a change, something new, and an opportunity to branch out and see new places that you haven't been able to see before. That's what Logan, Utah is for me. But there have been some definite positives to this summer experience, that I can't forget to mention.

First, I have a chance to rekindle relationships that I lost while away at school. Best friend(s), parents, siblings, and my baby sister. Second, I discovered how the Spirit best speaks to me, which is really  in a number of different ways. Third, I learned how to rely upon the feelings of my heart whole-HEARTedly and follow through with promptings. Fourth, I have learned how to ask for help and be dependant on other people in times of trouble as an independent young woman such as myself often has trouble doing. Fifth, It made me realize that I will always have somewhere to go if times get tough and a support system always behind me. Sixth, I am finally learning how to drive, which is something I wouldn't have even Tried to learn in Logan on my own. Seventh, I am a pro at filling out job applications, (I mean, after like fifteen of those things, you start to catch on pretty quickly). Eighth, I'm learning to love the sunshine, and my tan lines, with a new appreciation for the outdoors while working for my grandparents. Ninth, I'm learning new definitions for the word patience, Literally. In every sense of the word... and Tenth, I'm learning how to be a better person for myself, a better friend to others, and a better Daughter of God each and every day! The Lord works in mysterious ways, and for that I am grateful!

The biggest part of this trial is that I have learned to trust in the Lord and his timing No Matter What.
I couldn't have asked for a better trial, or learning experience for this summer, and myself. All that's left to say is, Let the Rollercoaster continue. I'm ready for what's headed my way next!