Kaleb and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. Okay... it hasn't been forever, but it feels like it's been forever. Ever since I met Kaleb, I have always enjoyed his company. He is there to listen, give encouragement when necessary and lift me up. He makes me want to be a better person, in every sense of the word. More patient, more understanding, more loving, more calm and everything in between. Our relationship, between the two of us, was nothing short of perfection. . He respected me, he loved me, and treated me like a queen. Like his queen.
After we broke up, I prayed often for him to find peace, for myself to accept the changes, and for peace. I received an impression and my Patriarchal Blessing two months later and the words of that blessing were exactly what I needed to hear. I was impressed to know that I should not give up on him. The exact words of the impression, "He would need me, and I would need him." I have actually had this impression more than once since that time. This impression seems to say, "You don't know everything just yet, but you will soon." You'll see why in a little while.
It doesn't matter how many times I hear the words, "I'm Sorry" or the sleepless nights I clutch the blanket he gave me for Christmas so many years ago. I can't count the times I have heard the words "You deserve better. Keep searching, your prince is out there, or don't give up hope, your happily ever after will come." My mind knows, and thinks logically most of the time, but my heart on the other hand, will not be convinced.
I still love HIM. I love his smile, his charm, his sparkling(yet shy) personality. There's something about him that makes me want to just hang on a little bit longer. Often, I find myself wanting to give up the dating game, and just focus on myself for awhile, and who I want to become. But then, I turn my thoughts around, and the prompting returns. "Don't give up. What you are looking for is literally waiting right around the corner. You just have to get there." Life isn't always easy. Sometimes I regress, or fall short. But, I'm still learning. I'm still growing. I'm still progressing, and that's all I can ask for.
At the end of last summer, when Kaleb was getting ready to leave on an LDS mission to Canada, I was really worried things would be a lot different between us in two years. It took a lot of convincing to tell me everything was going to be okay, and I wouldn't lose him for good. Two weeks later, he was home on medical leave, right before he was supposed to fly to Canada. I found out the week before I moved to college, and was devastated. Mostly I was worried for him, but was also sad I wouldn't be able to be support for him and his family. Needless to say, I offer a lot of prayers for him and his family, on a consistent basis. I hold a special place in my heart for them. They mean the world to me. As I face hard challenges, this prompting resurfaces by saying, "Don't give up. Keep going. Just hold on a little bit longer."
I also had an experience today that changed my heart, and gave me a lot of hope. Something that stuck out to me in this morning's session of the LDS General Conference was the desire to forgive those in need of forgiveness. It has been something on my mind for quite a few years, but parts of this amazing concept have been relatively new territory for me. I just watched a Mormon Message called "Lift" that really hit home for me the importance of service and reminded me a lot of my dear friend Kaleb. Part of Sister Neill F. Marriott's talk was on the condition of our hearts. I felt so much power overcome me, as she said, "You can Let this Go." I knew she was getting direction for me right from the Lord. I might have chuckled a little bit, mainly because I knew I needed to hear those words, but I know those words were inspired and were most certainly meant for me. Those gentle, sweet words remained with me throughout the day, and haven't left my mind since.
I opened my scriptures right after saying a prayer for the spirit to be with me during this session of General Conference(Saturday Afternoon) and fell upon Alma 11-12 and read two versus in particular with stronger resonation within my heart, and within my soul. The versus were of Chapter 11:44-45. The most powerful phrases that stuck out to me. "Everything shall be restored to its perfect FRAME, they can die no more; their spirits uniting with their bodies, never to be divided. The whole becoming spiritual and immortal."This simple, yet complex scripture brought so much more meaning into my life. I know that Heavenly Father answers prayers, and listens to His children if they come unto Him. I know he listens to the desires of our hearts, even if they are unspoken, just like mine was.
I often question amidst Kaleb's struggles how he remains so optimistic and hopeful, with so much opposition that he faces on a daily basis.. He is a spiritual giant in my eyes. He lives on continuously in perfect faith. God gave him to me for a reason, and eventually by following those sweet promptings, I will come to know of His place in my life. It may require patience and faith, but it will be worth the wait. I just have to "hold on a little bit longer."
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