Be STILL

 For those of you who have known me for more than five minutes, you know that I am a busybody. I grew up showing animals through the 4-H Program, attended conferences and summer camps,  completed over 30 record books, participated in clubs in high school, maintained a 3.5 GPA, held several church callings, had seasonal summer jobs, participated in Girls State, the Senate Page program, and have been on the Junior Staff.( with so much more.) Coincidentally, we just had a lesson on the subject of preparing for our temporal needs in Relief Society yesterday.

The title of this post is super near and dear to my heart. In fact this whole post is near and dear to my heart. I have always loved being busy and college life has treated me no different. From club activities and events, to studying hard, going to classes, church callings, and everything that you could imagine in between, add a job to that, and there's almost no time for  anything else. Hence why I am still single and have no boyfriend.

About a month ago, I injured one of my ribs while playing volleyball. It not only gave me breathing problems with my sternum, but I also had back issues as well. I was having a hard time sleeping at night, I had a hard time sitting still during classes/ during church, and could barely climb the stairs to all my classes. After two weeks, I knew something had to be done about it. Being someone who doesn't particularly enjoy hospitals, I really didn't want to follow my dad's advice, which was either go to the emergency room or "just wait it out." I discovered pretty early on in my injury phase that being sick or getting injured in college doesn't really work for anyone. There is always more that needs to be done, that one can't exactly take a break and wait to get better before continuing on with life. Life stops for no man. Or better yet, college stops for no man.

Eventually after two weeks of fighting the pain with nothing getting better, I resorted to modern medicine and took my roommates' advice to go see a chiropractor. The hardest part of living away from home is not having the opportunity to have your mom with you for everything. I had to somehow find a chiropractor in Logan all on my own, make the appointment, find the office, and probably the hardest part of all, be brave enough to actually GO. That took some time, believe it or not. Luckily my wonderful friend Lizzy loves me enough to suffer through the torture and go with me.

 I'll spare you most of the details of what happens at the chiropractor, just because it's painful and I don't really want to recount all the details.(I had never gone to the chiropractor before, just heard stories from my parents who love the chiropractor.)  When I recounted my sad story to my chiropractor, he ended up doing an x-ray on my back just to be sure the slight curvature wasn't scoliosis, or something worse. It was the first x-ray I have ever had that I am aware of , besides my teeth, so that was actually kind of cool. One of the only things I took away from the x-ray was that my right leg is longer than my left, and that it wasn't really anything too serious. (phew!) I also learned that I laugh at my own pain, weird how that works, right?

In this journey I have learned quite a bit from the world of chiropractics, but more importantly how fragile this mortal body of mine really is, regardless of how angelic and superhumanly powerful I think it is. My body really is fragile, and deserves to be protected. If I try to run harder than I have strength, I will cause the bones that are healing to be brittle and break.I will cause more pain than good which is also not smart. My body is a temple, and it needs nourishment, strength, sleep, relaxation, and sometimes pressure applied to it, so that it can come out stronger and complete the tasks that it needs to in its time on this earth.

I remember sitting in church a couple weeks ago, or it could have been institute, and I must have been thinking about my situation, and how weak and hopeless I felt. It kind of got to me a little bit, and the words to one of the hymns we sang that day really hit home. But then I also felt a calm and peaceful feeling that seemed to say, "Be Still." These simple words spoke to me in a powerful way, and I have ceased to forget them since. It has been really easy to get down on myself and be upset with the situation at hand, but I know in the long run I will be blessed. I personally believe it was Heavenly Father trying to teach me to slow down, and to really become more in tune with myself and my spirit. Even though it has been really hard for me to slow down while being forced to relax, I know that is the only way this poor body of mine will heal. I know that if I take the time to heal, I will be able to return to the normal activities I love. I also know that it is okay to slow down every once in a while, and to relax. It will only make me stronger.

Today, I was told by my chiropractor that I should not play volleyball for a while until I am doing a lot better. It was really hard to be told you can't participate in your favorite sport because you need to heal. Before now, I have never let an injury get me down. This time, it kind of has. But I trust in his judgement, and I know that I will be blessed for listening, while also taking the time to heal. It will definitely not be easy, but in the long run, it will be worth it. The same words have again been echoing in my head, "BE STILL."

I'm grateful for this challenge and trial in my life, and for the things that I have learned. I know that it will be a rocky road to recovery, but that I will be stronger and healthier in the time to come. I just need to take time to heal, and to know that Heavenly Father knows what he's doing.

This Is What Dreams Are Made Of

Once upon a time, a girl had a dream. A dream that no one could really see before they got to know her, but once they watched her pen hit paper, they all knew exactly where she was headed and where her dreams would take her. She knew she had to take her passions and run with them, which is exactly what she did. The results are evident in her writing. Just ask her family, the people who inspired her the most.

 Okay, okay, so this sounds a lot like the post I wrote that was actually an essay for a Writer’s Scholarship earlier this year. What I didn’t update the blogging world on, was the fact that I ended up surprisingly winning the contest, and had the opportunity to attend the Idaho Writer’s League Conference, held in Burley with paid admission for a day. Boy was I ecstatic.
I don't even know if that's the right word, but I was so excited, nonetheless, and that's what you need to know.

The nerves hit when I walked into the Burley Inn Convention Center, and moments later heard my name announced to the general assembly of people who simultaneously began staring my direction. YIKES. So this was real life. I entered the room in which authors of all ages were assembled, and had to question if I was in the right room. The butterflies began forming in the pit of my stomach, but I graciously took my seat and tried to focus on what was going on all around me, which was hard I had to admit. I was really nervous. That’s all.

The rest of the day was filled with a keynote speaker, a delicious lunch, and great workshops that left me excited and ready to jump right back into the world of writing, and do even more than I had previously been able to do. There were awards, door prizes, and with the courteous asking of one gentleman in particular, I was asked to read my essay in front of everyone just after lunch. All I can say is thank goodness for 4-H and Ambassador's public speaking skills, for which without, I probably would have melted into non-existence. Luckily there was no fainting. It also felt good to be able to do some public speaking again, which I haven't had to do for a year or so, besides college presentations.
(If you haven't had a chance to read my essay yet, here's the link)! http://aspirationsoftheaverageaggie.blogspot.com/2015/06/writing-its-magical-thing_30.html
It was really cool to have some of the people from the conference approach me and tell me how well my essay was written, or how good of a job I did, and mainly give me encouragement to keep writing. Some even wanted to recruit me to the Writer’s League that day!  I felt really happy, and had so many great experiences from that day that are just amazing, I can’t begin to describe them all. But one I will include happened right after, when one woman motioned me over to her, and automatically began expressing her love for the 4-H Program, which is something I greatly acknowledged in my essay. I went away inspired, and full of love for these strangers I had just met literally less than 24 hours before. It is so amazing to me how people with one common goal can inspire one ordinary nineteen year old girl to become even more involved than she is, and to leave her heart full of joy, and hope, and her mind full of never ending dreams just waiting to come true. One day did all of that and more. It gave her more of a desire to better her community, to reach out to those around her, and to go forth with a strong conviction to accomplish her dreams. If every day of my life were like that, I’m almost positive I wouldn’t ever have any desire to give up on the things I am seeking for most, including my college degree or even my current career path.

I think we all have some of the Idaho Writer’s League in all of us, in different ways. We all have a desire, or hopefully all have a desire, to go out and do something more with our lives than we may currently be able to do. We all have dreams, and sometimes lack ideas or even resources of how to make them a reality. Such is life, it happens, and then we move on and try again. We have our own sounding boards to throw out ideas, to listen to each other, and to give feedback on how to improve. We just have to know how to find them.

You’re going to be beaten down. You’re going to be told that your dreams stink, or you may lack resources or even smarts of how to accomplish those big dreams inside of your head. It’s going to be a work in progress most days. It’s going to take some back tracking and re-evaluation. On a consistent basis. The fact is, if you really want to get there, you’ll get there. This life wasn’t meant to be a piece of cake. (I mean… that would be cool and all, but it’s just not going to be a piece of cake. And plus, cheesecake is better, and no one can deny it. Just saying. ) Keep on going. Keep trying. I have faith in you. You will eventually reach your destinations, and your biggest dreams will come true. Mine are just beginning to come true, but with determination, they are going to. I’ve tried, and I’ve failed, and I’ve dusted myself off. It may not have happened right away, but like I said nothing ever does.

What are you waiting for? Your greatest of dreams are waiting! Go Forth and Accomplish Much! You deserve it!

For the Love of Boise

So, as some of you may know, I was given an opportunity to attend an Idaho Writer's Conference a couple weekends ago, and one of the classes I took was on Effective Composition.(I will be sharing a blog post about this soon!) Literally forty-minutes of the class was a free write where we wrote about something with elements from the class, and applied it in the writing. One prompt, so to speak, was of a place. Now, I could have written about anything really, as I have several places that have made an impact upon my life and bring back a lot of nostalgia, like all the time, or anytime I see pictures. I have already written something on this particular place/experience, but knew that I could improve, so this is what I came up with during the class that I found particularly inspiring. 

The feeling of busy-ness and speed surrounded me at every curve. The traffic whirled past me, and I had to wonder where in the world I was, and how in the world I had gotten there. This unfamiliar yet familiar piece of ground I had arrived on, felt so new and yet held so many amazing memories that I couldn’t help but remember and fantasize over for the future of returning to. Now I was finally back, ready to take on a whole new and exciting experience with nine other people I didn’t know.

The place was buzzing with activity, but yet, seemed so calm and peaceful on the inside, completely opposite from the activity happening on the streets around me. I take a deep breath of fresh air into my lungs and say, “Okay, let’s do this.” Six short weeks later, after my time here is done, I look around me at the intricate designs and details that I haven’t been able to fully look at until now. A smile crosses my face as I recount memory after memory that occurred here. I could barely hold back the tears. As I watch the last of my colleagues enter the elevator doors, I sigh with sadness. I make my way down the long staircase to the car waiting for me. I longingly gaze back towards the big cement building. Amazement surrounds me as I start to wonder, “Will I have the chance to be back in this beautiful town? Will I ever be able to associate with these wonderful people again? Will my heart still feel the same when the memories have faded and time has gone by? What will our reunion be like? When will I ever get a chance to reminisce and come back? What will others remember about the service I was able to render?

So many questions fumble around in my brain as I buckle my seatbelt and I begin driving away. I catch a single tear fall from my cheek, and brush it away. “I’ll be back someday,” I whisper silently into the void. “I won’t forget my time here. I most certainly can’t forget you…”

The laughter that echoed through the walls when Aaron did something funny, Hunter’s beautiful piano skills, the long debates between Jacob and Anna, the screams from the basement when Slender man jumped out from a computer screen, Kaitlyn’s sarcastic comments to clear the air, the smells of food always present in some secret room in the Capitol, Samantha’s protective goldfish face, Hannah’s artistic skills, Jordan’s smile, Allison’s blonde moments learning how to work a microwave. The many tours we had the opportunity of attending, the endless pager beeps of new tasks waiting to be completed, the magical secret entries only opened with special permission, the prohibited sound of candy wrappers opening on the Senate Floor during session. Senators busy at work, passing notes, security guards on high alert, the sound of the gavel hitting the Lieutenant Governor’s pulpit, and everything in between.

I look back on my time spent in Boise as a blessing, not a curse. Not just a full time job, but a rather a self-fulfilling period of my life where I found true joy. I still find myself thinking about the “Good Old Days”, wishing those opportunities could have extended into eternity. To this day I will always hold dear those memories, the tender experiences, and especially the people, in my heart forever.

Such an experience cannot simply be forgotten. Until next time, Boise. 

Spiritual Prompting Saturdays

My best friend. The one boy who continuously holds the coveted key to my heart. Sure, I have other guy friends. They are just as much apart of my crazy life as anyone else.  This one just happened to be the first one to grab the key to uncover what was held inside. (Sounds like an eerie Once Upon a Time episode, but this one isn't as dark, I promise).

I love him AND all his crazy antics. I love him FOR all his crazy antics.

Kaleb and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. Okay... it hasn't been forever, but it feels like it's been forever. Ever since I met Kaleb, I have always enjoyed his company. He is there to listen, give encouragement when necessary and lift me up. He makes me want to be a better person, in every sense of the word. More patient, more understanding, more loving, more calm and everything in between. Our relationship, between the two of us, was nothing short of perfection. . He respected me, he loved me, and treated me like a queen. Like his queen.

After we broke up, I prayed often for him to find peace, for myself to accept the changes, and for peace. I received an impression and my Patriarchal Blessing two months later and the words of that blessing were exactly what I needed to hear. I was impressed to know that I should not give up on him. The exact words of the impression, "He would need me, and I would need him." I have actually had this impression more than once since that time. This impression seems to say, "You don't know everything just yet, but you will soon." You'll see why in a little while.

It doesn't matter how many times I hear the words, "I'm Sorry" or the sleepless nights I clutch the blanket he gave me for Christmas so many years ago. I can't count the times I have heard the words "You deserve better. Keep searching, your prince is out there, or don't give up hope, your happily ever after will come." My mind knows, and thinks logically most of the time, but my heart on the other hand, will not be convinced.

I still love HIM. I love his smile, his charm, his sparkling(yet shy) personality. There's something about him that makes me want to just hang on a little bit longer. Often, I find myself wanting to give up the dating game, and just focus on myself for awhile, and who I want to become. But then, I turn my thoughts around, and the prompting returns. "Don't give up. What you are looking for is literally waiting right around the corner. You just have to get there."  Life isn't always easy. Sometimes I regress, or fall short. But, I'm still learning. I'm still growing. I'm still progressing, and that's all I can ask for.

At the end of last summer, when Kaleb was getting ready to leave on an LDS mission to Canada, I was really worried things would be a lot different between us in two years. It took a lot of convincing to tell me everything was going to be okay, and I wouldn't lose him for good. Two weeks later, he was home on medical leave, right before he was supposed to fly to Canada.  I found out the week before I moved to college, and was devastated. Mostly I was worried for him, but was also sad I wouldn't be able to be support for him and his family. Needless to say, I offer a lot of prayers for him and his family, on a consistent basis. I hold a special place in my heart for them. They mean the world to me. As I face hard challenges, this prompting resurfaces by saying, "Don't give up. Keep going. Just hold on a little bit longer."

I also had an experience today that changed my heart, and gave me a lot of hope. Something that stuck out to me in this morning's session of the LDS General Conference was the desire to forgive those in need of forgiveness. It has been something on my mind for quite a few years, but parts of this amazing concept have been relatively new territory for me. I just watched a Mormon Message called "Lift" that really hit home for me the importance of service and reminded me a lot of my dear friend Kaleb.  Part of Sister Neill F. Marriott's talk was on the condition of our hearts. I felt so much power overcome me, as she said, "You can Let this Go." I knew she was getting direction for me right from the Lord. I might have chuckled a little bit, mainly because I knew I needed to hear those words,  but I know those words were inspired and were most certainly meant for me. Those gentle, sweet words remained with me throughout the day, and haven't left my mind since.

I opened my scriptures right after saying a prayer for the spirit to be with me during this session of General Conference(Saturday Afternoon) and fell upon Alma 11-12 and read two versus in particular with stronger resonation within my heart, and within my soul. The versus were of Chapter 11:44-45. The most powerful phrases that stuck out to me. "Everything shall be restored to its perfect FRAME, they can die no more; their spirits uniting with their bodies, never to be divided. The whole becoming spiritual and immortal."This simple, yet complex scripture brought so much more meaning into my life. I know that Heavenly Father answers prayers, and listens to His children if they come unto Him. I know he listens to the desires of our hearts, even if they are unspoken, just like mine was.

I often question amidst Kaleb's struggles how  he remains so optimistic and hopeful, with so much opposition that he faces on a daily basis.. He is a spiritual giant in my eyes. He lives on continuously in perfect faith. God gave him to me for a reason, and eventually by following those sweet promptings, I will come to know of His place in my life. It may require patience and faith, but it will be worth the wait. I just have to "hold on a little bit longer."

Girls' State-Isms

                                                   

                                          

Now, for those of you out there who have participated in Girls or Boys State, mainly in Idaho, you will know that there is some pretty funny things that go on. Weird conversations, crazy inside jokes that only you and your city will get, and things you can't explain outside of Girls State, because let's face it: What goes on at Girl's State is supposed to stay there! But here are some funny Girls State-Isms that are share-worthy! Enjoy and share with friends, they are pretty darn hilarious! 

·         BELIEVE THE BEST (about the girls, about each other) 

     Oh so precious!

     Teamwork makes the dream work!

    "Happiness is absolutely a choice!"- Senator Abby Lee

    #idgirlsstate

    You do you boo boo!- Governor Janice

   Kristin Baaatsel (What happens when Kristin and Amanda are up til 5 am!)

   Happy people make other people happy.

   #elephantdependant

   I'm an independant woman who only needs her elephant- Adrean

   Try a little harder to be a little better!- Senator Abby Lee

   how can you look at a pineapple and not be happy? Gov. Elect Zoe Esplin

  You remind me of an otter...

  Why's that Tess? 

  Because otters are adorable and so are you! 

  Carol's like a sweetie pie. She's a pineapple. Sweet and Juicy on the inside."-           Kitanna 

 #ohmyflowercrown

 Even when I don't wear a flowercrown, I'm always wearing a flower crown. -  Governor Janice

"I would rather you be a Governor than a First Lady."- Lori Otter 

You're FIRED!- Tess

 You are literally my life saver!- Tess, Krystal

Does this mean I get my job back? 

I think I'm gonna go change now...(Kortni) Go change your personality!- Tess

Don't break the copy machine. He's sensitive!- Erin Bennett

Check your ego at the door.

A little bit of laughter makes you live longer!

It's like riding a bike. you just gotta get on the bike. -Adrean

Enthusiasm is the bomb.

That's what you call being adaptable! (Adrean after not having enough pins at Inaugaration)

Nuggets! We need more nuggets! -Kristin, Jana, Krystal, Suze, Kitanna

I've Got my tight pants on!- Adrean, Alicia

The most quotable movie- I Married An Axe Murderer. No seriously, look it up on Netflix!- Adrean

Call ME! Netflix me! Spotify me!- Tess

Call me beep me if you wanna reach me!

I eat justice for breakfast!- Trinitie Smith

Everything will be okay in the end, if it isn't okay it isn't the end.

You knock like a door mouse!- Emily Hathaway

Women are a lot like crawdads...

Experience a heck out of a ton of stuff!

look for ridiculous in everything and you will find it!- mallory wise

God does not run Girls' State, but he does walk the halls.- Emily, Amanda Erickson

Pop Quiz: Which Senator is Hailey Ray?- Governor Janice

Don't lie to yourself! Own It! 

This is called how many Junior Staff can we fit at one table!

You guys look like zombies!- Sr. Staff

You turn into the 5 people you hang out with.- Adrean

We don't talk about the magic stapler!- Erin Bennett

Don't let your dreams be dreams. -Shia leBouf, Gov. Janice, Sen. Hailey, Sen. Rachael

JUST DO IT!

As Iron Sharpens Iron, so One Person Sharpens Another

Dangerous!- City 3 

You are a precious, priceless gem.- Amanda Erickson

For God and Country.

Kate and Sarah(City 8) put panty hose over their faces and hid in the bathroom to scare people. 

Mustache fingers...It's totally a thing!- Krystal

Jana's wildly inappropriate airplane mode screen- Krystal

#classiccarol- kitanna and Emily 

kitanna starting random dance parties- Emily

check yoself before you wreck yoself!

#dreamteam

#smeary(teary and smiling)- krystal

#sleepisfortheweak #sleepforaweek

#idgirlsstate is a lifestyle- Tess

#deepdeepkidneylove  #deepkidneyspleenlove

Roz and her leotard for the talent show

"And we won't mention our nights without sleep, Girl's State just happens to be one of our favorite things."

#sleepystaffsleepovers

Danica getting hypnotized by Gov. Janice

#stayclassygirlsstaters #stayclassysyringa

#thankyounotes

Freak Alley-Downtown Boise-piehole Pizza-There She goes

#beoptimists

"it was worth every lick."- Lianne Kubs, Jessica Wauer (eating leftover cupcake frosting right before bed)

hashtag ditto- Kristin

hey staff, we will survive- Shannon

ooo ooo- Shannon

because #icecream

Arizona modeling her spilt water while I teach Kelsey? Instagram

#twinners I knew we were friends for a reason!- Krystal

#icecreamoverdose- Abbie

Kristin falling off her chair during lunch or dinner

laughing crazily

synchronized clapping

If you want to be a dirk about it- Gov. JNICE

Ball is no longer life, Sonic Slushies are!

Flirting with the Sonic delivery boy, he was super cute...(hailey)

I need a veto stamp like this!

Hot mess of giggling, sleep deprivation, and coffee runs.- Janice

Struggle bus hit me like a train-Kortni

Senator Storytime- Senator Rachael

Carol's crazy costumes

Pitch perfect quotes

Thank you girls state stairs for making me decide between an awkward jog or the clumsy two-step. -kaidan kelsey

it's a tidbit nibbly today- Bailee Quinn

Sunshine hat for weather- Bailee Quinn

Taylor Ivie's date stories!- Abbie

Taylor's crazy eyes :)

crazy city ordinances-

    City 9: Spaghetti! Everytime they saw boys on campus they yelled spaghetti and then had to take a selfie with them.- Janessa Tolman

Deep down kidney love-Amanda Kleffner

Jana's twerk dance things

YAAAAAS- Rachael, Suze, Emily, Jana, Kristin

Please Please Please read the parli pro booklet thing!- Adrean

#rabies

We need to grow up and learn how to kill our own spiders, man!- Ashli Young

Are you living your resume or your eulogy?- Jessica flynn

3 words- Swass, swotch, swoobs- Taylor Rush

Adrean comparing the tech guys to cookies- Shelby Stoor

That's nice. That's a nice ice cream cone.- mikayla parkinson, Stephanie Jones

Catrice Ratford and Alaire Hill got locked out of their dorm building and had to        go around knocking on windows trying to find someone in their room to let them         back in on the first day.

mattress surfing Girls State Style

Getting heat stroke by getting lost, not being well enough to run for state office. (Kortni)

Jenna Anderst and black cats! 

leaders drink liters.

Who run the world? girls!

Hailey Ray's dance moves and her laugh 

Don't be Salty! 

Ewh!- Jana, Kristin, Krystal, Emily, Kitanna

Amanda's snort laugh, Emily's snort laugh

"Of course we're passing notes in Senate about the bills and how they could be better... not." Bailee Quinn

Tess choking on a tater tot.

Might I refer you to the risk management policy?- ALL Staff 
The world has its own limitations. Be your own kind of character. 

Feel free to send more!!! I hope you guys enjoyed this flashback to Girls' State! I know I did! 

As Iron Sharpens Iron

Girls’ State: Round Three!

Now that I’m too old to be a youth participant in 4-H Conferences and Camps, Girls’ Camp, and the like, I chose the next best thing to keep me busy this summer… be on staff for Girls’ State, the program that forever changed my life. It was so fun to be able to spend time in Boise with my adopted family, catch up with friends, learn how to long board(Thanks Ryan), get called solicitors unintentionally(Still laughing Jennifer), and have dinner with the missionaries.

I was so excited for Girls’ State, I could hardly sleep that night, which you should know, for Girls’ State, is a huge problem! It was so fun to see old faces, familiar faces, and even new faces that were all there for the same reason as me, to give 215 girls the experience of a lifetime. I couldn’t wait to spend a week with amazing women whom I had grown to love so much. It was also good to see that some of the changes we had suggested the year before had been implemented to make this year even better. 

I was also excited for our theme for the year, that was, "As Iron Sharpens Iron, So one Person Sharpens Another." When our Director Adrean explained what this quote meant, I knew it was just perfect for these special girls I hadn't even met yet! She mentioned that these girls are like Iron and have the opportunity to sharpen each other through their experiences, and make one another better, not by tearing them down, but by lifting them up. I thought it fit perfectly, and was a really good theme! 

The next morning, the Girls were finally arriving, and we were ready for a fantastic  week of government, laughs, plenty of inside jokes, little sleep, good food, and lots of dance parties and ice cream. My original position was Associate Journalism Staff, and I was super excited to work with Tess, the Master Journalism guru for Girls' State, and actually know what I was doing for once! It felt so good to be back, and help the new Junior Staff adjust to their roles, and bond with Governor Janice, and Senators Rachael and Hailey. 

The coolest part about the opening ceremony so to speak of Girls State, was that we actually had a nondenominational church service to reflect on God and Country, which is what the American Legion Auxiliary stands for. Our patriotic presentation is always the most inspirational part, that helps prepare us for feelings later on in the week, and leaves us reminiscent of family and our beautiful country. 

It was super exciting to get the names of our reporters, and see their bright shining faces ready to have a great experience reporting on the week. Little did I know that they would be so important to me by the end of the week, but oh my goodness, were they amazing. They worked hard, learned new things, and really took to heart the importance of their roles, and of Girls State. It made our jobs as leaders more fun and exciting as well! 

We had fantastic guest speakers who all did a really good job! It is so amazing to see empowering women who succeed in their every day lives, make an impact for good on not just the girls, but us as staff as well. I loved being able to hear of Senator Abby Lee's experiences in the Idaho Legislature, which brought me back to my own experiences as a Page. Jessica Flynn is hilarious, and is definitely one to be admired, as our Director Adrean spoke of her. I loved Senator Hailey and Rachael's take on their experiences of Girls Nation, and how neat their experience was. Governor Otter's wife, First Lady Lori Otter, gave the girls a great deal of advice, and encouragement that is applicable to everyone at this day and age. 

I should probably mention that I love having something to do. It keeps my heart happy, and give me lots of energy to keep moving forward. Because of the nature of my position, I wasn't incredibly busy during the day, which left me time to visit cities, sit in on different meetings throughout the day, and time to help others with whatever they may have needed. After we were short one staff member, I realized I wanted to do more to be of assistance and make things run smoother for everyone. I was granted permission to help out in City 9: Optimism for the rest of the week whenever I was needed or available to help out, along with my Journalism responsibilities. At first, the girls were kind of skeptical about having someone new help in their city, and they even thought that after their JC had left, that they had been abandoned by Mama Kubs as well. (She went to the store for two girls that were having a birthday). I had to reassure them that Mama Kubs was not leaving, and I was just filling in to help out. Needless to say they weren't entirely believing until Mama Kubs returned :) Once I actually had started to learn the girls names and they started getting used to having me there, it felt like I had been there all week! 

Thursday of Girls State is always one of the most memorable days for me, and for good reason too. Capitol Day is by far the coolest day. Yes we wake the girls up painfully just a little bit earlier on purpose, and yes, we take naps on crowded buses that feels like the best sleep you get all week, but it is the most rewarding day, where all of their hard work comes into play. We always sing the Girls State song around the rotunda in the Capital, and can I just tell you, those girls have the most beautiful voices! The coolest part of this year was that the House of Representatives let us use their actual floor for our session, and maybe in future years, we will get to use the Senate floor as well! We as staff had the opportunity to watch over both the Senate and House sessions, and watch the girls debate on their bills and send them on to the Governor to either be Vetoed or Signed into Girls State Law. We also had the unique opportunity to go to the Veterans Cemetery in Boise and have a special presentation and time there. We sang patriotic songs and had the opportunity to walk around and look at the different headstones and graves. It was such a special time for each of those girls to see the real meaning of freedom and love of our country. It also brought back so many feelings and reminders of my first year of Girls State, and the special feelings of gratitude and patriotism that surround me on a daily basis that I often forget about from day to day. As we were all looking around at the different names and headstones, Janessa Tolman, from City 9, approached Adrean and showed her a picture of something really cool she found on one of the headstones. As it turns out, it was our Girls State theme for the year! If that wasn't a sign that our theme was inspired, I don't know what is! The reporters also had a chance to record their sign-off video, and we got some really cool shots in Downtown Boise. 

Our last night with the girls, we had a wicked awesome talent night and the JCS and Senior Staff did a great job as well. It was crazy to believe how fast the week had gone. The reporters shared their last newscast and sign-off video, which made me tear up a little! My city girls had a crying fest and vespers and shared experiences of the week and touching moments that were right there at my heart strings. We had the opportunity to participate in a mini-inauguration for one special girl and stayed up until 4 am with her and other girls in our dorm building from other cities. I loved seeing the girls bond together to be there for each other and support one another. 

By the next afternoon, everything got really real, so to speak. I looked around at the staff members surrounding me, and realized that by the next morning, I would be leaving all these amazing people that I had gotten to know throughout the past week. I have always had a love/hate relationship with Inauguration I've decided. I love walking down the aisle and seeing the girls in their fancy dresses looking so beautiful.It never changes, since my first year at Girls State. I always get really emotional to see that our short week has come to an end, and it really is the end. At first, I was honestly worried about helping the girls off the stage because they barely knew me, but my attitude soon changed when I watched each girl hug Mama Kubs, and walk toward me, embracing me in huge hugs. They all seemed to say "Thanks for stepping up" , "Thank you for all that you did this week","You're the best!" (with tears in their eyes I might admit!) That's where I lost it. I bawled like a baby after that, and realized that was why I continued to go to Girls State each year. To give these girls the experience of a lifetime, the similar experience I had two years ago as a delegate. I had found where I wanted to be, and felt the most useful.  Those feelings seem to return every year, and never fade away. I felt like my experience was worth the tears and moments that I had a hard time or was upset. I also had an additional happiness overcome me as my nine reporters(Okay Tess has more claim of them than I do) walked across the stage as well. As we watched the girls leave either with parents or on buses, I was already anticipating next year, with more fun, and after a little more sleep of course! 

I have decided that Girls State will forever be a part of my life. This is a true statement. I often think back to 2013, the first year I was introduced to Girls State. I think back to my City Counselor, the Director, the Junior Staff I got to know who introduced me to  the Junior Staff portion of Girls State, and my city sisters and all of our experiences. I took those experiences to heart and realized that I have been changed for good because of one year in this amazing program. Girls State has been so influential in the lives of so many girls and counselors and women of Idaho, that I can't wait to continue endorsing this program for the future. I can't wait for future years, to meet more girls, and continue influencing them for good in a world that is so confusing, and hard. There truthfully are no words to describe this experience, other than you really do have to experience it for yourself. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and that's the absolute truth! 
<3 Kortni Wells

 PS! Stay tuned for the next blog post, entitled Girls State-Isms! You'll be glad you did... just saying! ;) 

If anyone would like to learn more about this amazing program, I would love to tell you more! 

Dear Boy Who Shall Not Be Named💜

**Disclaimer: I apologize if you don't want to read this, it's not the greatest**

June 02, 2015

Dear (boy who shall not be named), 

Recently I have come to a change of heart. Not just towards one thing, but several. Life in general has gotten so much happier, but it didn't start out that way. One decision has changed the way I viewed the world around me, and how I viewed myself as a person. And what an amazing discovery. 

But first, let's take a look back into how I came to this change of heart and the experience that shaped my decisions. (Some of this might be painful, just a warning.)

Once upon a December, I dated a guy who I thought was my everything. Even though I didn't have really any expectations for my first relationship, it was everything I had ever hoped for, and most of what I saw in the movies. Everything felt so perfect, I thought it would last forever. (I know, pretty high hopes, right?) We had great times together, driving clear out to the middle of nowhere, high school basketball games, my first magical kiss in the snow, kissing in Shopko, watching movies together, hanging out with his family, and just spending time talking and enjoying one another's company. And that's just while we were dating. 

Within that time, we shared an experience which helped us look back on what we were really jumping into at the prime ages of 17, and slow things down. Two short months later, we were breaking things off, which crushed me, even though no one ever saw that look upon my face. It hurt, but our promise of still being best friends, helped to keep my eyes open and give me hope for the future. Of course there were still nights I cried myself to sleep, wrote endless journal entries to myself, and just couldn't find happiness again. And believe me, I tried. This struggle for happiness has gone on for two years and then some. Yes, I know. That's a long time. 

We made the promise to always be best friends, and we did really well for a while. But, always is a word that doesn't always stick out in people's minds, to say the least. It can also cause a lot more hurt than it intends as weird and as strange as that sounds. As we grew up and graduation hit,  it had been three months since I had seen you, I could see the distance growing between us. It was gradual, but it was still a distance. We wanted a chance to hang out during the summer, you know, as a last time before you left to serve your mission. I backed off to give you the preparation time you needed for yourself, and I felt good about it. (Even though two other girls were still vying for your attention.)

By July, your farewell was getting ever closer, and I started to become angry that things would never be the same between us, no matter what happened. You were leaving on a mission, I had to FIGHT myself just to not call you, so I wouldn't feel that pain again. I just about decided that going to your farewell wouldn't make a difference, since so many other people were there to support you and love you and wish you well. But I knew I was going, and that was that. Saying goodbye that day felt like we were saying goodbye forever. I could feel a part of my heart breaking off from me, and leaving for the MTC with you.It wasn't a good pain to be feeling either. I tried my best to stay calm and keep my heart and composure intact, especially with your amazing family and grandparents I have grown to love and appreciate so much. 

Two weeks later, you were back home, with Multiple Sclerosis. I saw you the week before I left Burley for college, and felt so sad for you. I wanted to do something, to hang out with you one last time, and it never happened. I was at a loss for words that week, whenever I would see you, and it hurt way too much. Keeping in contact hardly ever happened, and that's where I found out that distance sucks, especially between best friends. three months later, you were calling me to tell me you had been cleared medically and were flying out for Canada for your mission. I was so happy for you and couldn't wait to write you. To hear all about Canada, the weather, the mission field, the people, and all of it. In just four short weeks, you were home again, this time without an expected date heading back to the mission field. I spent almost all of Christmas Vacation worried sick about you, hoping things would get better, that your health would improve, and that things were simply going okay for you. By January, I was sick of worry, doubt, and feeling of my heart literally breaking. I just couldn't take it anymore. I sent a text to your mom, just so I could see for myself that you were okay. I had to. Your mom graciously accepted my offer to drive out there, and drive out there we did. Of course, I didn't get a chance to talk to you by myself, with my mom, dad, baby sister, and friend with me, but seeing you was all the proof that I needed. 

Months went by before I was able to have a good solid conversation with you, and by the time I had a chance to talk to you again, everything had changed, Much like the Taylor Swift song. I found out you had broken up with your girlfriend for a chance to breathe, and in that time found new love interests as well. But this one came with a catch, the new love interest just happened to be one of my best friends, and the only one who was able to keep me sane during those trial periods. I almost dropped the phone when you told me the news. Many people have told me I have no reason to be upset, considering we are over and done with, and I need to move on. Yes, I know that, but I also know my heart, and it's gonna take more than a few months to heal this girl's broken heart.

I can't stand on the sidelines anymore and wait for our dreams to come true together. I always look back on those special moments of the two of us and  smile, knowing those were some of the best memories I hold dear. But, the promises we made aren't going to be waiting forever, and I know I can't stand back waiting. Or hoping. It's too hurtful. And it's not healthy. The pain is almost unbearable. I am grateful for our little blissful moments of eternity. I'm sorry for the harshness, but I just had to write it this way. But I do have to say thank you. Thank you for the memories. They were some of the best, and I will always cherish them. Thank-you for choosing to love a lonely girl like me, and for spending your time with me and money on me when you really didn't have to. Thank you for teaching me a little bit about love, and for being my first boyfriend. Thank you for all the fun and special conversations we shared together, and for treating me so great during our short time together. Thank you for listening to all the crazy things a teenage girl has on her mind, and for being non-judgemental. Thank you for hard times, sad times, confusing times and everything in between, for they have been some of the biggest trials and learning experiences of my life.
Thank you most of all for being a friend. I know things haven't been easy between us, but they have helped me in more ways than you will ever hear me say. Thank you for allowing me to love you unconditionally, and for being respectful and gentle, the way love should be.

Sincerely,
 A friend who loves you more than you could ever know